Skit: PM Preparation

Satire! Satire! Get it while it’s Topical!
Chip paper tomorrow!
Maybe chip paper later today!
Perhaps it never ends!
Perhaps it’s all chip paper and never any chips!
Plenty of mushy peas though!

The Prime Minister is preparing to take a Press Conference.

PM: “OK, got it… all I have to do is look a bit serious and tell them… Heads, shoulders knees and toes..”

PM’s Designated Operations Manager (we’ll call him Dom for short): “Oh god Boris… look, I’m not letting you start this press conference until you can manage this perfectly simple message.”

PM: “OK, OK, blimey, like that Stay Alert one isn’t it… Alert! That was a hard one to remember… Didn’t seem to have anything to with anything we were doing..”

Dom: “Yes, but changing it from Stay Home meant I would be alright after my drive didn’t it?”

PM: “Oh yes… got to remember… Eye tests! Ha! Right, another go… Heads, shoulders… Oh for god sake… Y’know, it’s just having the little’un around now, just can’t shake that thing nanny sings to it all the time…”

Dom: “Wilfried, ‘it’ is a boy and he has a name you know.”

PM: “Yes, yes… just not that interesting at the moment… ‘Not good optics to leave the poor woman looking after this one yet,‘ you said. Haha! Bastard. You know, you could have warned me how tricky this gig was going to be. Veritably Sysiphian sometimes…”

Dom: “Look.. I’ll do it first, you repeat it..”

PM: “Yep, OK chap, that always works…”

Dom: “Hands, face, space… “

PM: “Hands, face, space… get a test, forget the rest…”

Dom: “Oh, so nearly… Hands, face, space, get a test, self-isolate”

PM: “Hands, face… Dom, what’s the space bit?”

Dom: “Possibly that bit between your ears?”

PM: “Now, now… steady chap, remember who’s boss here.”

Dom: “I do Boris, I do… now… Hands, face, space, get a test, self-isolate.”

PM: “Hands, face, space, get a test, self-isolate… Hands, face, space, get a test, self-isolate.. Hands, face, space, get a test, self-isolate… By jove, I think I have it… and now that I have, I will make sure that I say it, many, many times. Hands, face, space… hands, face, space… hey, you don’t think the public will ridicule me with knees and toes references or make up satirical things… like Trump remembering that man, woman, person thing?”

Dom: “No, I’m sure they wouldn’t see any similarities at all. Anyway, we can handle satire, we’ll just do something stupider again. Right, good… just hope that no one asks Chris Whitty anything he can’t handle without telling the truth now. You’re tricky enough but he always wants to see the pigging numbers.”

“I hope that was pretty… you know, that was pretty punchy, I think”, he told them in the press conference announcing the measures – ending it with telling Professor Chris Witty: “I think I repeated that often enough.”

Byline Times Article> Fatal Vagueness

I have been known to put a bit of text in this small italics bit below a post which is often totally irrelevant to the post above. Hopefully you have just read the post above and perhaps have moved on to this bit to see if there is anything better here. There isn’t. Sorry. But you might like to share the post anyway, especially if you’re the sort who can’t see why you should suffer it all alone.

11 thoughts on “Skit: PM Preparation

    1. If the virus isn’t done by December (and it won’t be), he’ll announce we’re having another Christmas next May so we’re still on track I expect.

      Liked by 1 person

  1. And now I have “The Rain in Spain” in my head. Thank you so much.
    (Really this was terrifying and hilarious and no there are no similarities whatever to the conversations I imagine in the Oval Office…)


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